A few FuNNy'S

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."

"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday.

Flat Tummy

There was a small boy who was put to bed by his parents. The boy had a nightmare, and got out of bed to go to his parents room. When he got there, he saw mommy bouncing up and down on daddy. When his dad noticed him in the doorway, the kid ran away. The mother got off and got dressed quickly, and went to the boy's room. He was in his bed, and he asked, "Mommy, what were you doing to daddy?"  The mother replied, "Well, your father has noticed his belly getting bigger, and I was just trying to flatten his tummy for him by bouncing on it." "Oh, that's what you were doing. But you're wasting your time mommy." The boy said. "Oh, and why is that?" The mom asked. "Because everyday when you leave for work, the neighbor lady comes over, gets on her knees and blows it right back up again.

A husband went home after working at his job in a restaurant. His wife noticed he seemed a little bit aggravated so she asked him what was wrong. After some coaxing, he finally told her that he had been having an urge to put his dick in the pickle-slicer at work. His wife was astonished and told him he should really do something about that. An urge like that could not be healthy at all. He said that he would and they left it at that.
A week later, the husband came home smiling and completely happy. His wife asked him what happened that would put him in such a good mood. He said, "I finally did it! I put my dick in the pickle-slicer." The wife asked, "Well, what happened?" Husband: "Oh, well I was fired." Wife: "I mean, what happened with the pickle-slicer?" Husband: "Oh, she got fired too!"